A year of trees

“We are mosaics—pieces of light, love, history, stars—glued together with magic and music and words.” 

Anita Krizzan

2015 was a mosaic.

A gorgeous working of so many people and places and experiences. A fluid, unstoppable rush of adventure, growth, change, and love. A painful and uncertain year. Filled with heartache and set backs and success and progress and misery and joy. A defining year.

A year of trees.

 

My heart was set in January—I thought I knew what the coming year would look like. I envisioned Bolt and I reaching the ultimate goal of world team, national finals, and more. And that almost happened, seriously, we were close—to both team and a nationals final run (a couple of them). But they were yanked away. I got in my own way. I did that a lot this year—get in the way. I’ve been open about bigger goals and dreams that I’d like to achieve. Mostly because I think giving them a voice is one of the best ways to breathe life into them. I’ve also been open about the internal struggle that’s come with it. If nothing else, 2015 taught me more about myself than maybe I had wanted to learn going in to it. That’s okay though. I’ve learned that I’m a lot tougher than I like to give myself credit for.

I’m braver than I thought, too.

Because bravery isn’t always going into a battle with guns raised high. Sometimes it’s a quiet acceptance of failure and then the firming of your lips and the refusal to give up. Sometimes it’s admitting you made a mistake and fixing it. Sometimes it’s forgiving yourself for those mistakes. Sometimes it’s speaking openly when the result may bring you or someone else pain. Other times it’s changing a job, moving unexpectedly, and living in uncertainty without fear.

I’ve made a list for 2016– it’s something I do every year. As much as resolutions seem to be a cliché, I like to make them. Because, in all honesty, it’s how I’ve been able to change gradually over the years more into the kind of person I want to be. Imperfect, yes, but better. It is a list of superficial and reaching goals. Of internal ones, too. (A mosaic maybe?) Yes, world team is on that list. It has been and will remain there. Fitness goals are there, including doing 10 real push ups (I know, but I can’t do a single one still—I know). I want to run 100 miles throughout the year (more, hopefully). I want to climb new mountains. Read 20 books.  Write a story again—it’s been almost 2 years. I see that as probably one of the more difficult ones, actually. Visit 10 places I’ve never been. Stay vegetarian, even though our wedding venue has the most amazing prime rib—can one day be forgiven? Oh yeah, get married. That’s on there, too. Positivity, forgiveness, calmness. An improved mental game. There’s more, but I won’t bog this post down with each of them.

So, 2016. Welcome.

You’ve got some pretty big shoes to fill.